Pre Christmas update

Where do i start, my stay in hospital lasted 3 days and felt like a week! on the flip side it was all positive news, they confirmed my oxegen levels were great and as good as anyones ;-) and only come home with this airbag cough assist thing. I came home after tea last thursday in time for my wish off HoneyRose foundation to go Anfield with my dad.

 Well id love to know what ive done in this life to deserve the shit i have to deal with every day! Dont dare say any bull shit about god, if there was someone they would not make me go through this!
Wheelchair is goosed, now stuck in same position till it gets fixed tomorrow. Could have been ok if i had got the new in november as promised, which i think is shocking, maybe it sounds a bit childish to complain about it being a bit longer than i was first told but when sat in a wheelchair every waking hour (bare in mind this one is too big and  very uncomfortable) its a bloody big deal. This one got fixed on the sunday afternoon after a lot of complaining because again its not that important to them. 
Ive goto say St Helens wheelchair services are terrable and the worst service i have delt with, the first chair took over 6 months to arrive! All being well my new should be here on January 4th, as u can imagine im not holding my breath. I bet if i had ten grand cash it would have been ere within a week!!
I will say thankyou to the lady answering our calls and taking the brunt of it all when its not her fault, anyhow she has been so helpfull and if it wasnt for her badgering i dont think it would be here for months.

Wristbands are still selling very well, £300 has already been handed over and i have a further £350 to go in to MNDA, also the care agency that are based here leonard cheshire disability, organised a christmas party with a raffle for me to add to the wristband funds, a another £250 goes into the pot which is fantastic, thankyou all who donated prizes, helped to organised and all that came.
See photo of reciept recieved for the first £300.

Had one of them dreams other night that felt very real, all i remember was sitting down at a desk and signing my divorce papers and realising not only can i hold a pen i could write aswel! wow what a present, getting rid of the SLAG and getting use back to my limbs, unfortunatley carsberg dont do dreams but if they did they would probably be the best dreams in the world!

Back Home

Glad to be back in my fab bungalow, not that the stay in hosi was that bad but it was bloody boring! On a positive note my oxegen levels are as good as anyones so no need for the vent ;-) and they gave me a contraption to help cough. I think having my own carers staying made a big difference but my dad was run raggid picking carers up and dropping off.
While im on the subject of carers, i have a great bunch who we all get on with really well, the only bad part was losing my key worker who was great with me, the good thing is ive gained a friend. My new key worker and co key worker are doing great. 
I feel i need explain a few things about talking, the effort involved is immence and takes a great deal energy so the more i have to repeat the harder it gets, then i get upset and struggle even more which then looks like im getting angry, im not! if i am angry its with myself and the awful feeling of not being understood. I am now at the point of not wanting to talk, its not worth the distress it causes.

Great news is i go Anfield tomorrow to watch the mighty reds with my dad and Danny ;-) hopefully get a win! also sent a letter with some wristbands to try get a picture of a player with one on, you never know.

Early Christmas present

Been clinic this morning and it looks like a 3 or 4 day stay in hospital is on the cards, not that keen on the idea but if it makes this death sentence slightly more bearable then its got be worth a try. 
Gonna try have a film night tonight to take my mind off things, also Hollie is coming and putting my tree up and no doubt tell me get my movember tash shaved off.

Off to the NIV clinic tomorrow, i cant say im over the moon about it, i never relish these appointments. My hands are really giving me shit and causing a lot of pain! its like really severe pins and needles constantly nagging me, just resting them on a soft pillow doesnt help, add back, shoulders, ankles and arms to the list of pains, then the food, speaking and the mental torture of dealing this lot takes some doing. I wish i could just have break from it, fat chance of that. Also losing out on lots with Hollie, not being able to give her a hug when shes here or when shes upset breaks my heart, its one fucker of a disease! 
Not much on the positive side at the moment and i struggle to see anything changing.

Still feel like shit. Went cheshire oaks yesterday to get out but found it very hard going, obviously local councils dont take wheelchair users into their plans when re doing paths, its same here in town center, block pathing, flags and cobbles all randomly placed! my head was like a pea on a spoon and ended up very sore. Then there ignorant tossers that are oblivious to the fact your there, even try squeeze past in a doorway rather than wait a second!
A bit great news is i go watch Liverpool thanks a fantastic lady at The Honey Rose Foundation called Lynn, thank you x

Oh my divorce is still ongoing, all of a sudden the evil one seems be in a rush but i still continue to be ignored about my belonging's and also receiving idle threats over harassment, just because i want my things. I don't how they can live with the way they have treated me and my family over all this, maybe a bit different in a court room, id like to see them lie under oath. 

Whats going to happen next

I think ive hit another low point, finding pretty much everything is shit! the only time i can feel like i am having any meaningful conversation is when im here talking to a effing screen, talking but not getting a response, its a like an imaginary friend or somert. The amount of times i have something to say but dont bother is unreal or when i do try i mite aswel be speaking another language because of it being so hard to understand a bloody word, frustration kicks in which makes it worse, then the tears along with anger and by this time i am just a wreck. Everyone around me try so hard to understand, comfort and help me but sometimes i cant see a way out, what do you do? i wish i new the answer. The days are just rolling on and on, get up and sit in this shit, uncomfy chair all day then go bed, its a different world that im living in, my own world with my imaginary friend! get the men in white coats!
Next is the food issue ,now that is very annoying, i dont think you quite realise how much food is such a massive part of every day until you cant eat, its all over the tv, everyone talks about it without realising, im dying for a good meal, a good steak or a bar of chocolate! sadly its not going to happen, what a shitter it is.
If i am honest i would give up if it wasnt for my family, i take my hat off to all you guys that have been dealing with this for years, i dont no how you do it.

This isnt living.

Quick note, those of you that have bought bands through paypal, thanks very much and i will post them tomorrow.

What a difference a good nights sleep does, felt loads today and more motivated to do things instead of just sitting ere feeling sorry myself.
Got my new batch of wristbands today so i best get selling lol and im determined to get a celeb waring one.

I have added an option to buy bands direct from my website via paypal www.cvmnd.weebly.com which may help shift a few, fingers crossed.

I have added an option to buy wristbands direct from my website via paypal www.cvmnd.weebly.com

A few pictures

Still having sleep trouble, pains and eating issues, so much its pissing me off and making me lack motivation to do anything, even talking because its so mumbled.
I hope i hear something about my wheelchair, i cant wait to have one smaller.