Sunday, 14 April 2013

Time for the truth

When i was diagnosed with this disease i was going through organising the farse wedding, now straight away i told her if she cant handle this i wouldn't blame her but no, we can deal with this together, right ok. Now all through this wedding planning she got more help from my mum and dad than her own parents, the money my mum and dad put in and the time and effort they put in to make it happen. When it came to any work needing doing on the house it was my dad she asks because in her words her dad would make a mess, it was my dad that looked after the dog when we went away because again she didn't trust her dad. All through the organising of the wedding it was my family doing all the helping out and all the money from my work mates, my motorbike i sold and my beloved fishing tackle i sold all controlled by her for the wedding! by the time the wedding came round 90% of people there was my family! Many times through this their were arguments over the wedding and a few times i wanted to just forget it, it was hard enough coming to terms with what Ive got without all the stupid petty little things. The help we had from my mums work friends who paid for our holiday to Portugal, spends included, the laptop they paid for that she kept. It was my uncle she borrowed 4 grand off without me knowing and said she would pay back 500 a month but she never has. My pension which she has tried to get a share of, all 7 grand was used to pay that back and set up in a new home.

After the wedding is were it started to get worse, arguments all the time over petty things, needing help because work was so hard which i got help from her mum and sister. Again i said if its too much i wouldn't hold it against her but no as long as people don't judge her its fine, right ok. Getting used to the fact your wife was having to do your personal care was hard enough but now i was having to allow her mum and sister to help. As i became more unsteady on my suggestions were made about grab rails in the bathroom but her reaction was will it damage her tiles! no thought of how it would help me, they never got put in. Falls followed after that, I'm sure if you have read my early blog posts you will know how many I've had, the one i will never forget was going to get in the car when it was raining, rushing because she didn't want to get her hair wet i fell into the car. I have never fell since left the house. 

As you will be aware the extension was the next thing which again all the money raised for it was done by my family, my brother and sister inlaw helped out with me and the some of there extension aswel as work and two young lads, kids are a doddle compaired to a full time job like hers! I was always led to believe that her sister was a bad one and always been the favourite, many times at partys i would be having a good time but we had to leave because her sister had said or done something. I do still have contact with them both and the lads because they know what she has done is wrong, thats her own sister. Her dad did bits when he could be bothered, he was always one who could talk a good job but never follow it through, half a job man. Now dont get me wrong the laughs and good times far out weighed these flaws but watching my dad slog his guts out day after day, rain or shine was not fair. Her mum helped care for me and become someone i could talk to because she was now leaving the house first thing and would only return sometime at night. 
Anyway befoe the extension got underway i asked are you sure about this, we had been falling out a lot as i got worse but no, she said yea as long as people dont judge, now this is because all people were seeing on her facebook was what shes doing, were she is going and nothing about me, at this time i was unable to use laptop and people wanted to know, i constantly stuck up for her even though i did agree with what was being said and so did her own mother. So the extension got under way and my dad, danny and Bris worked tirelessly getting things going, numerous family members and friends came and got stuck in, my mum was round every spare minute cleaning the house after doing a night shift, doing all the washing, her mum, sister and now Rachael all helping me, reluctantly allowed Rachael to help, but that still wasnt enough, she now said she cant do her work because of noise so her bedroom got a make over and yet again my dad stopped doing work on the extension to build all her furniture because she didnt trust her dad to do a good job, she even convinced me to allow her to get a 500 pound overdraft for a mulberry handbag and she would sort out paying it off, also at this point she had full control of both the joint and my bank card, she was terrible for buying clothes all the time, her spare room and attic full with bin bags of clothes. Their was never any money in the house to pay for all bits and bobs people were buying.all while people were fundraising and working on her house.
Another thing that upset me was she never came with me to appointments, meetings or anything to do with me, even all the professionals noticed she was never there, it was my mum and dad that always come. 
The next thing was the crash diet started and going gym, obviously slimming for the new fella, we did come across some diet pills called T 5s, i never new anything about her getting them and when asked about them she fobbed me off saying she wasnt taking them but i didn't believe her. One day when she was well into zumba she told me she was doing a zumbathon for cancer or something, hang on a minute what about supporting your husbands cause? The dying in front of your eyes because their is no cure, no funding, no awareness, nothing! proof i was not in her list of priorities, i always said it was her first, the dog then me. 
Now she had the nice space to do work but now i never seen her, she would spend all night in there i was left on my own down stairs because she had typing to do, i knew she was lying i could see the router lights going mad, on internet obviously. This is where the school reunions started, again you can see in an early blog post about my concern over 2 school friends sending messages to her on facebook that were inappropriate were going, my rock Rachael was out at the same as one reunion confronted her after watching the wife all over one of these lads on the dance floor, again it was made out Rachael was bang out of order and i fell for it, she has a very good yet dangerous way of turning things around so much that begin to doubt yourself! who you are? am i cracking up? so many times i would be apologising for stuff not knowing were i was in the wrong. More reunions followed ,trips to a so called friend become more frequent because she couldnt talk to her mum because shes always pissed! her words not mine. Through all this she was becoming more secretive leaving the laptop upstairs were i couldnt get it and her mobile become glued to her and on silent yet whenever anyone tried ring because we never new where she was or what time she would be back, i had never known her to be out the house so much, but every time i fell for the lies and feeble excuses. This was all a bit dodgey. I really started to feel quite lonely and a burden, things like asking for a drink it was always in a minute or when eastenders has finished.I had a big insecurity about the toilet situation, after all im a young man and all of a sudden I need my arse wiping , not a nice thing and it was made very clear she didn't want to do it, you always save it for me were the words used, even Danny witnessed it, its a far cry from the woman 6 month earlier declaring her undying love at our wedding! There was also the time my physio called ambulance concerned about pain in my arm from a fall, she never came the hospital, couldn't because of work! Says it all rally.
It was all starting to come clear and then come the classic line for the third time in a few weeks, i think we would be better as friends, and the best bit was i can stay there if i pay half to bills which is 700 pound, basically all my benefits. She become so cold and heartless its unbelievable. One thing sticks in my mind  is the night she told she needed go 24 hour asda at 10 at night for my anniversary present so i said get me in bed n go, it wont take long, well she came strolling in at some time in the early hours and tried just go upstairs but i asked were she had been she had nothing from asda, no car and stunk of booze, the bullshit excuse was shocking, cant believe she left me that long, i couldnt alert anyone and what if there had been a fire! a lay awake all night with my head up my arse wondering how could she be so nasty. When i got my anniversary present it was a cup and card 99p still stuck on back, that said it all and again she said the friends thing.
I talked to her dad and mum all the time and they said they were disgusted by her behaviour, when i said she is definitely seeing someone else they said they would flatten her if she was. At this point her dad was going to have a word, so off he went upstairs were she always was. A good hour passed and he came down, never really said anything about it and i wasnt going to ask, he said he was getting off and ill see you later, no probs. Five minutes later she comes down and never really said anything, i then asked did your dad have a word? yea, he agrees with me, its like your mum and are taking over and its his daughters house! my heart sunk and i couldnt believe what i just heard! i was in shock and didnt no what say, i did say i will let them know but she said dont go causing shit now, I remember this so vivid, the feeling was awful. As you can imagine I never slept that night going over and over in my head. Well when I saw my dad walk in next morning tools in hand I couldn't bare it, the work he was putting in to be treated like that, so I told him, instantly I saw the life drain out of him, he didn't deserve this. My dad down tools that day, clearly frustrated he confronted her dad who back tracked completely and was so apologetic to me but ultimately led to a big change in my mind, I new then it was over, once she heard I told my dad I got the blame for destroying two families, can you believe it?
I made the decision to leave the home which has been thrown at me through the divorce ,even after I left I gave her 200 pound because she was skint and asked everyone to not put things on facebook which everyone stuck to until she started, kept saying keep it amcable but she never has been. There was no mention of her lover staying over within weeks of me leaving, hiding his car round the corner.
For about a month after I continued to go her mum and dads having a drink and a chat yet they still didn't believe she was seeing someone else. The last time i was there her mums words to me were as far as im concerned you will always be our son inlaw nobody will replace you. As you can imagine it was difficult now with me having to live at my mums but this has been well documented in my previous blogs, all the difficulties with belongings and stuff. A few weeks later my dad called round to see why they havnt been in touch, they had completely turned and on first name basis with the new fella. I know its their daughter but come on it didnt need be like this.

Its been said before that this sorry excuse of a woman made threats towards my nephew, Hollie and Rachaels kids, a child social worker making threats towards children and the national fostering agency obviously accept this sort of behaviour.
A note to her mum and dad, i hope your proud of your horrid daughter and of your selves, you know what she did to me and how she neglected me. She controlled me, she took control of my money and obviously controlls you.
I welcome you to come here look me in the eyes and tell this is not true, you know were i am.
I can say I am so proud of my mum and dad, they will do anything for anybody and they have so many friends who can vouch for that, we still have all these wonderful people behind us and supporting us, I am truly grateful to every one of you.

I can imagine people will think I am just being bitter, that's fine, I will not say there were no good times but extravagant gifs and expensive breaks don't solve everything. Being the way I am I have a lot of time to think and reflect on what has happened and some may believe I deserve this, maybe, my mum and dad don't.

As i have said we had police called on us twice for harrassment, said she had to move out because of harassment, she went away because of all the stress, still wouldn't return my belongings, even got a woman who was a go between but still failed. I have lost so much memories, money, items and more importantly precious time with hollie, mum, dad and people that actually cared, i hold her fully responsible for my rapid decline in health. 
I have no faith in the justice system in this country its disgusting and if you can tell me what i have done wrong please feel free to comment here! 

WERE IS JUSTICE FOR THE NEGLECT AND ABUSE? Maybe this is it. 

23 comments:

Rachael said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

OMG chris that defo from the heart no way should you have been treated that way yu dont deserve that,very true sayin no 1 knows but yu what goes on behind closed doors, you have been throygh enough without having to relive that nightmare, you have fantastic mum dad sister carers & many friends who love you and will do anything for you, your out of the nightmare not having to put up with worrying if anyhing would happen, your blog is an inspearation, take care chris n well said xxx

big T said...

About time the truth came out cuz, a social worker disguised as an evil,uncaring heartless BITCH....anyone reading this if they had half a brain they wont let her anywhere near them its a pisstake to the social services!!!no1....NO1 desreves that at all chris xxx T xxx

Karen Dearden said...

so glad to see you tell your story, it needed to be told chris..well done xx

Stewart said...

really sorry Chris to hear about the way your wife behaved. But so glad to hear you about your Mum & Dad, your family and friends.
May peace and friendship be with you.
.
Stewart Lever
stewart_lever@yahoo.co.uk

proud mum and dad said...

As parents we dont read our sons blog, some things are just too hard to read, but son you are an inspiration to us and so many. So many know the truth and we can sleep at night knowing that no matter what our conciences are clear. You are loved by so many and you have never given us any reason to not be proud of you. Its an amazing feeling to be proud of your son and daughter, not everyone can say they are. We have an army of friends and family behind you and some have very few and will be very lonely. NOT YOU as yours, our family and friends motto YOU WILL NEVER WALK ALONE XXXXXX

Manchester Lass, Now and Then said...

Eh Chris, I couldn't help but cry when I read what your Mum and Dad wrote♥ You have absolutely amazing parents and in turn they have an absolutely amazing son:)

I was so deeply sad and shocked to read the events that have happened since you were diagnosed. Also unbelievable to read your ex-wife is a social worker! It's hard to imagine anyone being so heartless. I am also at a loss for words regarding her parents behaviour, very sad indeed. Perhaps the saying is right in this case "the apple doesn't fall fall far from the tree". Good on you Chris for exposing her "true colours", what goes around, comes around. I normally don't like to be so vocal but under these circumstances I couldn't help myself.

Special thoughts and big {{{hugs}}}

Linda xx

uncle Phil said...

Brave beyond words xxx

Rachael said...

You can be proud of somebody's achievements but utterly disgusted in their behaviour! I'm so proud to be your rock Chris x keep fighting and hold your head high. Love you millions YNWA xxx

Anonymous said...

what happened to the vows in sickness and in health that this woman made she disgusts me wouldnt leave my kids in her care.chris you are an inspiration and a lovely kind hearted person so glad you have finally told the truth

Anonymous said...

ALL SHE WANTED WAS A BIG FANCY WEDDING AND TO GET HER PICTURE IN TO A MAGAZINE , SHE GOT IT . SHE WAS A BITCH AT SCHOOL AND FROM WHAT I HAVE READ SHE STILL IS YOU ARE SO MUCH BETTER OFF WITHOUT HER . SOME MAY THINK YOUR NOT BUT IM SURE YOU ARE ALOT HAPPIER WITHOUT HER . STAY STRONG AND KEEP FIGHTING HUN XXXX

Anonymous said...

this the girl who grew up on the same council estate as me n thought she was to good n better than every 1 else the stuck up beast, no 1 liked her then the trollop, she must av evil runin threw her veins, good on you for speakin out chris xx

Anonymous said...

Chris you are nothing simply the best xx Ang

Anonymous said...

That should have read nothing but simply the best xx Ang

Rachael said...

You obviously have no clue to what has been happening for the past 12 months! She didn't give a shit about him when they was married never mind now! You have no clue what so ever how sick he is now so before you but in get the facts

Anonymous said...

June you defo have no idea of the situation and what has gone on. You must have been fed a pack of lies as usual that comes out of the devils mouth. I've been there from day 1 and everything that chris has wrote is completely true. And as for love pffftt if that's the word you use for deceitful, lying and neglect you have hit the nail right on the head. And for his family being overpowering its a joke, without them chris would not have had any help at all.

Anonymous said...

These are not unkind words, these are facts. If my family had, as you say, left them to it, how would you suggest he gets to the toilet, eat, drink and get around when his ex wife was out from morning until night "working"? If god forbid this was your son/daughter, what would you do? Would you leave them on their own unable to do anything for themselves? I've said my peace and this isn't the place for argument or debate. My mum and dad are truly amazing, would do anything for their children and stood by their son when he needed them most, I defy anyone to tell me they were wrong! Any parent would do the same. Proud of you brother xxxxxx

Anonymous said...

im sorry but from wat i have seen n read thats far from love n if thats how she treats ppl she loves god help the ppl she doesnt, she has evil runnin threw her veins. his family, friends and PA r the ones that have shown chris wat true love, support and being there is really about.

Anonymous said...

How dare you call our son bitter. When did you last see him. You have no idea the stage his illness is at. try looking your child in the eyes knowing he will leave us far too soon and not be around to see his only daughter grow up..If you don't like his blog DON'T READ IT. and unless you know the facts don't make comments like you have. This is his diary since he was diagnosed . Try not being able to speak or being able to eat drink or move for five minutes he has this every minute of every day so like we said DON'T READ IT DONT GO ON HIS BLOG. the truth hurts our heads are high . His door us always open proud mum and dad

Anonymous said...

she isnt fit to lick any of your boots, wot goea around comes around and one day she will have to answer for her actions.

Sara C said...

Wow...well done Chris, that must have really taken some guts to write that. You have an amazing family that will be with you every step of the way :) As for the evil, lying bitch, may she rot in hell ! xx

julie from school said...

chris may i say she also thought she was better than anyone even when she was living around the corner from me at school just everywere yes i was her friend at school n at home aswell untill i new how she really was yes i dont mind saying this chris never seen you after leaving school but you was a nice lad and never caused no harm to none you was a lad who never spoke out im sorry to here this about how she let you down n this disgusting way KARMA is a bitch just like her so why your resting on the clouds above watching us all wait and have your last laugh at her when things happen to her night night chris r.i.p shame we never got to see you again before the sad day came x

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