Thursday, 28 March 2013

Lads from work

Ive goto say i am amazed at what the lads from work have done and continue to do. Its only a small company which i worked for 19 years and have some fantastic memories, including some great laughs and fall outs, I've probably fell out with all of them at some point lol. The money they have raised for me is unbelievable and stuck by me were others treated me like something they have stood in.
All i can say is a massive thank you for everything guys i really appreciate all you do, still a bunch of nob eds though!

If anyone needs a glass carrier check out the link to Supertrucks, these are the best ones you can buy.


Eye gaze

Gaze selection crashed once last night and again this morning, just comes up gaze selection has stopped working and needs to close. I feel so let down by this c15, if i knew then what i know now i would never have got it. My mum spent her pension that she worked 28 years on something that is meant to give so much independence when in reality its just an over priced talking device but only in the day time. Maybe i do want too much from it but for the money it should be far more powerful than it is.
Pretty early on i realised it was very limited with hard drive space, memory and processor, i find this shit considering i can buy a notebook with more power so the size cant be an issue. I feel we was not advised of this in the beginning of any of this, we were lead to believe its all singing all dancing machine. The problem with gaze crashing is down to processor and RAM, i am unable to use the majority of programs i want to use, my website needs moving to my new domain ( but again i get so far and something goes wrong.
I suppose its my fault for expecting to be able to do things on here any normal person can do, obviously i was wrong. I now will only be doing the bare minimum on this thing due to the frustration it causes me, it really gets me down. 

On a brighter note my divorce has been granted ;-)
The funny part part was the devil woman turned up at the court with the sad get she committed adultery with and for some reason couldn't look my dad in the eye! wonder why? also stopped my dad from being aloud to speak, i wonder why? her mum and dad must be so proud.

Tuesday, 19 March 2013

A bit better

Feeling a bit better but still sleeping a lot and cant stop thinking don't wake up. Eyegaze pissing me off again, I've stopped messing about with it because it just doesn't have the ability to do much, it was wishful thinking that i would be able to do as much as i would like, anyway the txt messaging wont work, its been like this since Friday! we was given a 24 hour help line, after numerous calls we got no answer, Monday we finally got hold of someone who was going to ring back with a date for someone come out, never rung back!
I give up and will just use it for the bare minimum, sick of stressing over it and wasting what little time i have left.

Friday, 15 March 2013


As you may of guessed i am not very religious but i find myself praying now and again, mainly for a break from the tosser, obviously not making a bit of difference. Yesterday i got up at half 6 in morning and half 10 in the morning i was back in bed till 2 in the afternoon, by half 5 i was back in bed till half 8, then by half 10 it was off to bed again! When got in bed at half 5 i found myself praying, not for a break, i was asking to not wake up, its really getting to me now, I'm not as tough as you all think, there are plenty of people on my facebook stronger than me and in some cases been fighting this for many years.
I am scared of dying, i am scared of it being really horrid time, i want it to happen in my sleep. 

Thanks Shane for your message and sorry i couldn't be there, your grandad was an amazing man and very much a grandad to us growing up and Winnie was another nan, always kept an eye on me and gave me a few bollockings over the years lol. Good to hear from you, keep in touch mate

Thursday, 14 March 2013

Just another day in hell

First off thanks for the recent messages, i will reply as soon as i can.
I seem to be losing interest in anything, the days just keep rolling on with nothing changing, same things every day, once the warmer weather comes i can get out more which will help. 
For some reason i seem be sleeping more, its not like me to sleep so much. Also ive recently been having panic attacks for no reason, these are quite frightening. Personally i think my body is starting to give up the fight, im getting no rest from this tosser, its relentless! 

Saturday, 2 March 2013


A bit of good news, finally get my divorce ;-) still not getting the money owed or my possesions so wheels are in motion to go private. Trying to explain to hollie why IT wont return her things is difficult.
We did a video the other day which i will put on here eventually. While editing it i was repulsed by the way i looked, it made me physically sick! I look awful and sound even worse.
Its my birthday on tuesday and probably the last one i will see, i cant imagine what state i would be in twelve months time. My fight is coming to a close, both physically and mentally, the inability to eat has knocked me off my feet, everything you see and hear is food and its killing me. Being uncomfortable is another nightmare both in bed and in chair. Not talking is another one, being unable to join in any conversation makes me feel lonely.
I really cant handle this any more, im not as strong as some of you out there, struggling to see what is worth all this pain and suffering, im done!